Lyrics:

Let me tell you bout my friend Jason's Dodge
Shoulda sold it all for scrap to Bruce Henn's Garage
Too many oil leaks for your average sedan
It needs a new engine
And a new floor pan
And the strut mounts moan and if you think that's bad
They be moanin' more than any girlfriend he's ever had
This Dodge got enough flaws, a sunk cost
Without cash, he's the new boss of tough loss

They cut his hours at the Mexican grill
Now he's drinking Coronitas for that Mexican thrill
And his family's on his ass cuz that gossipy girl
Left him looking so haggard that they're calling him Merle

But even though he couldn't pay his own rent,
He sold his car parts online, and the money that he spent
Was wasted on gifts to make his family forget
That he's 30 and not married yet

If you live like you're gonna die
Then you will find, one day you're right
So don't buy things you can't afford
Be happy with your old Accord
For another straight year I'm broke for Christmas(x3)
How my family gonna feel my love
For another straight year I'm broke for Christmas (x3)
But who really even needs more stuff

Let me tell you all about my friend Danny
Bought a 2000 Accord and it needs a new tranny
The mechanic also told him that he'll need new brakes
Now that poor mechanic's gonna need a brand new face
Danny doesn't have the money for a gift
Because he sank it all into this money pit
Now he steals from the Sheetz when he's out with his friends
And he dry cleans his condoms just to use them again
He'd say, “My vodka ain't even distilled.
But hey girl you like pickles cuz I'm kind of a big dill.”
But he didn't stay single for life
Alone in his basement eating Pringles for life
But he's still shopping for a gift for his girl
For the holidays, he's getting her a necklace of pearls
But since he couldn't find any other sales
She's gonna get the pearl necklace you don't get from Zales

If you live like you're gonna die
Then you will find, one day you're right
So don't buy things you can't afford
Be happy with your old Accord
For another straight year I'm broke for Christmas(x3)
How my family gonna feel my love
For another straight year I'm broke for Christmas (x3)
But who really even needs more stuff

The holidays will soon be over, dear
And then it's time for New Year
It might be strange to care this much at all
But what you feel's just cortisol


Let me tell you bout my friend Theodore
Drove a Volvo 960 and a Geo Storm
But he needs a new car like a flower needs water
Got a son on the way and an eight-year-old daughter
So he saved up his money til the day came
And he went into the dealership and they came
Cuz he paid sticker price so he could buy new
Didn't realize at the time it's not what guys do
He couldn't make his payments, and now he's the man
Who's only 33 years old in a Windstar van
For Christmas, he planned to get his wife a silk dress
And daughter every single thing a child could possess
All his money disappeared in the savings and loan
On a truck driver's salary, how could he atone?
But his family all embraced him in his house in Bayonne
And said all we want for Christmas is for you to be home


If you live like you're gonna die
Then you will find, one day you're right
So don't buy things you can't afford
Be happy with your old Accord
For another straight year I'm broke for Christmas(x3)
How my family gonna feel my love
For another straight year I'm broke for Christmas (x3)
But who really even needs more stuff